


A Man Out of Time

by victofoli



Category: Black Widow (Movie 2020), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Natasha Romanov Feels, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23624659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victofoli/pseuds/victofoli
Summary: After the defeat of Thanos, Steve decided to stay back in time with Peggy Carter. But as time passed he reflects about what made him make that decision and the feelings he had run away from, including the grief over Natasha's death.  As he tries to build a new life with Peggy, in another century, the memories of his relationship with Natasha keep him awake at night.A/N: just know that I hate Steve's ending as much as you do (or should), and this is in no way a validation of that. This is me showing The Russos (in my head at least) and everyone involved in that horrific movie what would've happened if that ending was canon (because it's not, in my mind). This IS a romanogers fanfic, and if you're in doubt just read the first chapter and tell what you think. ;)
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Daniel Sousa, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 19
Kudos: 91





	1. trigger

3:00 PM 

The room was completely dark except for a small source of the last hours of moonlight coming from the window. In the bed, two people were asleep, one more than the other. The man was sweating, shaking, and mumbling unintelligible words. He rolled from one side to the other until his eyes opened wide and he got up with a scream that immediately woke up the woman beside him. 

“Oh my god! What happened, Steve, are you okay?!” she asked, breathing hard from the shock.

He took a few seconds to recover himself as she rubbed his back. 

“Yes, it was just a nightmare. I’m sorry Peggy, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Steve apologized 

He got up and went to the bathroom. He turned on the tap, waited until the water filled his hands and slammed them against his face. He stood there for a few long minutes staring at the mirror on top of the sink but his thoughts seemed to be far beyond that bathroom. 

When he came back to the bedroom, Peggy was still awake, and had a concerned look on her face.

“Are you alright?” she asked as he laid on the bed.

“Yes, it was just another nightmare, don’t worry.” Those dreams were constant since he came back, some were worst that others but he had them almost every night. 

“Now go back to sleep” he pleaded “I’ll feel guilty if you don’t get the proper rest before work” 

She laughed 

“Okay then. Good night” she kissed him, laid down and closed her eyes again. 

Steve, on the other hand, remained with his eyes open for the rest of the night.

  
  


__

  
  


7:00 AM 

“I’ll have to admit that you make a pretty great cook” Peggy said as she finished the pancakes he had made for her. 

He laughed 

“Well I’m glad you like it. It’s one way that I can make myself useful as I’m stuck in here” he complained. When he came back, two months ago, she met with a few people at shield first to figure out how they would proceed, as Captain America was back from the dead. After a few meetings they decided it was better for him to stay undercover for a while until they found out more about the time travel implications and everything related to it. Of course Steve already knew all of that but they wouldn’t take his word for an answer, specially Stark, and wanted to make sure he could really stay. 

“Aw, don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t be for long. They’re making great progress with the information you gave” she comforted him.

He sat down to eat, grabbed the newspaper of the day and started reading it. It was really interesting to read about things that he already knew that would happen, took a little while to get used to it but he eventually found a way to enjoy it.

“Steve” Peggy called.

“Yes” he answered, still looking at the paper, apparently they had invented a new car of the future, the ugliest thing he had ever seen, and once again he was glad to know it was never a thing. 

“Can I ask you a question?” She hesitated. The tone in her voice made it clear that it was a serious question, so he immediately put down the newspaper.

“Of course. Anything” he assured. 

She took a few moments to choose her words. 

“Who...Who is Natasha?” she asked carefully, as if trying her best to not sound invasive.

His throat closed when he heard her name. He had told Peggy about the Avengers and all of the events related to the snap, but never mentioned Natasha. He couldn’t bare the memory of her. They never talked about any of the Avengers, he just referred to them as a group and she never asked for more details, and he was glad for that, until now.. 

“N-Natasha? H-How do you know her?” She couldn’t know, he was sure he hadn’t told Peggy about her. His eyes were stubbornly starting to glisten. 

“Oh, you… You say her name very often, when you’re having bad dreams.” She said, even more hesitant.

It was probably true. There were a lot of nights were he remembered dreaming about her, usually those were the worst ones. 

“Peggy, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize-”

“It’s okay Steve. Really. And if you don’t want to tell me that’s okay too, I was just curious.” She said gently. 

“No, it’s fine” He realized her indagation was coming from a genuine and concerned place,he decided she had the right to know. So he took a deep breath.

“She was…” he was trying to focus in just the words nothing else, or he wouldn’t get through it. “She was a friend. A very good friend. In fact, for a long time after the snap, she was my only friend. But in the end I-” he had stop to swallow the emotion. 

“I couldn’t save her.” He said it fast, as if ripping a band aid. 

After a few seconds of silence, he felt Peggy place her hand on top of his own resting on the table. 

“I’m sorry, Steve, she sounds like a wonderful person. But I’m sure you did everything you could, as you always do.” 

“Thanks, Peggy.” He immediately got up and started to do the dishes, he had to ocupate his mind with something else as soon as possible. 

Peggy got up as well and started to gather her things for work. “Alright I have to go now, I’ll be back at four, okay?” 

“Okay, have a great day” he said as she approached him by the sink. She looked him in the eyes and ran her hand through his hair. 

“Thank you for telling me” she said, so soft it sounded like a whisper. 

He tried his best to smile as she gave him a peck on the lips and left. 

The sound of the door closing worked as a switch, and instantly the tears came running down his face. Everything he had been holding back, as if they were just waiting for him to say her name out loud. 

.

_ “NO!”  _

_ He woke up with the agonizing scream and instantly got up and ran right to her room. The door was opened, as always, and the light from the hallway enlightened the room. As he entered he saw her figure sitting on the bed, hands covering the face as she sobbed uncontrollably.  _

_ “Nat?”  _

_ He walked slowly to the bed, sat gently by her side and wrapped one arm around her. A few seconds later she gave in and moved her body towards him, her face buried into his neck as he now had both arms around her.  _

_ None of the said anything, there was no need. Since the snap Natasha had really bad dreams every night, and Steve tried his best to comfort her, so when he felt she needed him, he would go to her room and hold her until she fell asleep. Sometimes he went back to his room, sometimes he stayed. Caring for her made him get over the pain faster, they were both torn inside out, but having each other made things a lot easier.  _

_ “Good morning. Breakfast?” Steve offered as Natasha dragged herself out of the room and into the kitchen.  _

_ “Steve, you didn’t have to.” she addressed, sitting down at the counter as he divided a portion of very appetizing and great smelling scrambled eggs into two plates.  _

_ “Well, I wanted to, so..” he said. It came out dryer than he intended. But he couldn’t deny that that kind of attitude always got on his nerves. She felt guilty when he tried to take care of her despite all of his attempts to explain how much he care about her and that it would be easier for them to go through it together.  _

_ “I’m sorry.” she apologized and began to eat. “This is good.”  _

_ Steve chuckled, “Well, thanks. Certainly is better than your peanut butter sandwiches” he teased.  _

_ “Hey, don’t come for my sandwiches! I have developed a nice relationship with them, you should be proud of me.” she joked, her laugh filled the room.  _

_ Her face lighted up for that moment and so did his, it was always great to see her acting like that for a change. Steve tried his best to bring that out of her more often, but most attempts weren’t that successful.  _

_ They finished their breakfast in silence, but the mood was light. _

_ After that they cooperated on a dish washing operation. Steve would clean the plates and Natasha would put them in the dishwasher. Little things like this helped them focus and forget about the pain.  _

_ After a few minutes, Natasha broke the silence.  _

_ “By the way, thank you… For last night” she thanked, looking down at the plates she had in hand.  _

_ Steve shook his head. “It’s okay, Nat” he said, also looking down.  _

_ “No. It’s not okay.” she said, puting the plate down and turning to face him. And Steve knew they were about to have that usual argument. “You don’t have to do this, Steve. You have your own place and you barely even go there. You shouldn’t worry about me, I’m fine.” she continued. _

_ A few months before, he had move back to his apartment, she was very much in denial and every time he tried to help she asked him to leave her alone, he hoped that if he gave her some space she would feel more liberated to mourn and deal with things at her own pace. But things just got worse, so he started to slowly move back to the Avengers facility, until he spent more time there than at his apartment. The truth is he didn’t want to be alone, and he knew she didn’t want that either. She slowly opened herself up to him, and the arguments were now more about how she shouldn’t feel guilty and less about how he should leave her alone.  _

_ “I know I don’t have to do this, Natasha, you tell me that every day. And still, here I am. I thought you’d have understood that by now, that I’m not doing this because I have to, I’m here because I want to, because I genuinely like being with you. I’m doing it because I can’t stand to hear you cry yourself to sleep every night, and I can’t sleep knowing that you will wake up in tears at 3:15 and I’m not gonna be there.” _

_ A tear slided down from here eyes down to her cheek, Steve lifted his right hand and catched it with his thumb. _

_ “I’m here because it is less painful when I’m with you. I’m here because you’re my friend, and because we’ve already lost too much”  _

_ When he finished he pulled her in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulders. The tears had stopped, and in that moment Steve knew that she had finally understood how much she really meant to him, and that she helped him as much as he helped her.  _

_ They only had each other. _


	2. adjusting

Steve was sitting by the backyard, contemplating the sun going down and a chill breeze touch his face. He took a deep breath. He could hear the noise coming from the living room, loud speaking and laughter, glad that he had stepped back for a moment. 

“Hey, Cap? Everything alright?” a man asked as he walked out of the kitchen into the backyard. 

“Oh, yes. I just needed a bit of fresh air” Steve answered.

“I understand. Do you mind?” The man asked, pointing at the empty chair in front of him. 

“Oh, not at all, please” Steve said, inviting him.

The man pulled the chair from the table, placed his crutch against the wall and sat down. 

“It’s Sousa, right?”

“Yes, Daniel Sousa” 

“Right, sorry, I’m still learning everyone’s names” 

“Ah, don’t worry, it fine” 

“I’m sorry if I seemed rude walking out like that, I just am still adjusting and big reunions like this can be a little bit overwhelming sometimes, I hope everyone can understand.” 

A few months after Steve had returned, Peggy invited a few of her friends over to meet him and celebrate. He was still supposed to be undercover, but it was only a matter of a few weeks until he could walk freely again. It was nice meeting new people, especially those who were important to Peggy and that hopefully would be his friends as well. But in most moments he felt left out, it was hard to stay engaged in conversations when most of the things he referred didn’t exist yet or the words he used made no sense in that century. I was like coming out of the ice all over again. So, as much as he enjoyed, it was tiring and he needed a break. 

“Oh I’m sure they will understand.” Souza comforted him. “I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I mean, to time travel in the first place, is something that still doesn’t make sense to me” he said and they laughed.

“Yeah, it’s not an easy concept, I couldn't even begin to try and explain it to you, it’s crazy.” 

In fact he could explain, at least from a logical point of view, but he had done it so many times to different people, that in that moment it was the last thing he wanted, as much as he enjoyed the man’s company. He had only met Sousa for a few hours but he could feel how they were similar and that they would most certainly become great friends. 

“Hey man, do you mind if I ask how it happened?” Steve asked carefully, referring to his missing leg. “It’s okay if you do, I don’t mean to be invasive or anything-”

“Oh no, it’s okay. I do not mind” he assured. 

“I was part of the reconnaissance team during the Siege of Bastogne. Fought in the European front since the beginning. On that day I was in the middle of the firefight when a shrapnel hit me right in the femur. I was lucky to not bleed myself to death, but when I finally got some help they had to amputate it. So they pulled me out sooner and I’ve lived with this old thing here since them.” He finished, lifting the bottom of his pants, revealing a small portion of his false leg.

“I’m sorry about that, man. That must be tough to deal with. But I’m sure your services will be very appreciated wherever you are.” Steve said. 

Souza smiles gently and nodded with his head. 

“I appreciate you saying that, Cap. Most people thank me for the sacrifice, I personally don’t see it that way. It feels like they just say it to make themselves feel better, because they feel guilty. And constantly reminding me how different I am.” 

“Oh I can relate to that, believe me” Steve assured. They laughed again.

“Oh hey! There you are!” they heard as a slightly drunk Howard Stark joined the conversation. “The time man himself!”

“Hi Howard” Steve replied, embarrassed. 

He pulled the last empty chair and sat down. 

“You can't leave me alone with the girls and Jarvis, I’d have to be twice as drunk for that” he complained. “So Steve! Tell me everything” Stark asked, both elbows on the table and head resting on his hands, as excited as a child waiting to hear a story. 

“Everything?” Steve asked.

“Yes! About the future, tell me everything” he repeated.

Steve laughed

“I’m not sure I can, Stark, you will have to narrow it down. What do you want to know about?” He asked.

Howard’s eyes travelled above his head as he thought hardly about Steve’s question, and opened wide when he finally came to an answer. 

“Oh, the ladies! Of course! Tell me about the ladies!” the answer didn’t surprise neither Sousa or Steve.

“Well, they still exist in the future Howard. Don’t worry.” 

The three laughed.

“No, but tell me how are they, the ones that you’ve met, was there anyone special to you… how is dating in the future? That’s what I want to know!” 

And just as Steve expected, his thoughts were filled with memories of her again, despite his attempts to hold them back throughout the day. There was no chance that he could talk about her again, specially after the reaction he had when Peggy asked about her. 

“Oh, I’m afraid I wouldn’t know much about that, I’m sorry” he said, trying to avoid the subject, push back his thoughts and move on. 

“Oh come on! You want me to believe that all this time you’ve been there you did not date anyone?! Peggy’s not here you can tell us” Howard insisted. Steve tried his best to focus on the conversation and not drift off on the memories that stubbornly filled his mind.

“There really wasn’t anyone Howard, I-”

“Come on! I refuse to believe that!” Stark slaked his hand against the table, his voice was louder and the mood of the conversation started to change to a more awkward state, he could sense how uncomfortable Sousa was starting to feel as well. “Not even a single connection? A platonic thing even, I don’t know, I’ll be happy with anything at this point. Maybe unresolved, I don’t know, but still romantic. There’s gotta be something man.” 

And then he hit the spot, right were his relationship with Natasha was. 

____

  
  
  


_He placed his hand on the back of her head, his thumb caressed her cheek gently. Her hand ran through his arm, causing shivers that ran all over his body. They were slowly moving closer to each other, he could feel her hard breathing against his skin._

_When their lips were about to touch, she moved away, and her hand gently pushed his. A few seconds later she stood up. Steve remained sitting on the couch._

_They were lucky to find an empty home to stay in that night. They had been hiding for nearly two years, Steve, Natasha and Sam. Wanda as well, but she would stay with Vision most of the time, and check in with them once every few weeks. Steve and Natasha had gotten a lot closer during this time, they spent almost every minute together and they realised how they were actually very similar in some aspects of their lives. They talked a lot, Steve more than Natasha. And a few times during those two years, Steve felt that his feelings for her were growing from a friendship to something else, something more special. They almost kissed a few time just like this one, but she would always move away, even when she was the one who initiated it. Steve never really understood why she did that, but never talked about it. Until that day._

_“Why do you do that?” he asked_

_Natasha turned her head to look at him, taken by surprise at his question._

_“Do what?” she asked back, but Steve knew she had understood the question._

_He stood up and took one step towards her before answering._

_“Look, I may be reading things wrong here, I don’t have much experience with this stuff after all” he began, careful and a little embarrassed. “But I can feel that you want it as much as I do, I just don’t understand why you’re so unsure about it.”_

_She turned her body to face him, and bowed her head down. Steve felt that she was having trouble choosing her words._

_“Is it… Is it because of Bruce? I thought you-”_

_“No” she was quick to deny it and that was a relief. “It’s not about him.” She and Bruce had had a thing in the past but he left after Sokovia and she never mentioned him in that way again. But Steve wasn’t sure how she still felt about him._

_“Then what is it?” he insisted_

_She took a deep breath._

_“It’s… complicated, Steve” she said, finally raising her head to face him. He was one step closer than he was before._

_She smiled, sadly. “You don’t wanna be with me”_

_He chuckled. “Shouldn’t I be the one who decides that?”_

_She shook her head. “I know we’ve talked a lot this past few months, but I… there’s things that I’ve done that, well let’s just say I’m not very proud of. And that’s never been a problem in my relationships, but with you I feel that… I can’t do that to you Steve, and if you knew I-”_

_“Stop.” he interrupted “Nat, before you continue I just want to say that… That I don’t care.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_He laughed_

_“What I mean is that I know you have issues with your past, and I would love to hear about them whenever you’re ready” he explained. “But whatever it is, it doesn’t mean that I don’t know you. I know who you are Natasha, everything you did made you who you are now, I’m glad for that, and I think you should be as well.”_

_She smiled and so did he._

_“Thank you” she said. They were now just a few inches from each other. Then her smile faded away and her head bowed down again._

_“It’s still complicated though” she said, sadly._

_After a few seconds she lifted her head to face him. He was smiling gently. He shrugged, slowly. “It’s okay. I’ll still be here for you no matter what.”_

_She smiled back at him and they stayed like that for a few more seconds until the door opened suddenly. “Hey guys, I brought-…” they were fast to split up as Sam entered the room with a few bags of groceries in his hand. He paused as soon as he saw them. “...dinner. Am I interrupting someth-”_

_“What, no I… we were-” Steve began to explain, clearly nervous._

_“Really, because I can come back later” Sam said, barely holding his laugh._

_“No, we weren’t- I mean, we were just-” the words were shooting randomly out of his mouth. He stopped as he felt Natasha touch his shoulder. She was also at the edge of laughing._

_“It’s fine, Sam. Come in” she said._

_“Okay, if you say so.”_

_Sam entered the room as Steve and Natasha shared one last smile. Despite the situation, he was happy with their conversation, relieved that there was no more doubt about the feelings they had and hopeful that he could slowly help her deal with her troubles._

___

Steve was back at Peggy’s backyard, sitting with Howard Stark and Daniel Sousa, both still waiting for an answer to Howard’s question. 

“I’m sorry man… I got nothing for you”

The discussion went on for a few more minutes but eventually Stark gave up and they moved on to talk about other things. The other joined them at the backyard and the conversations continued until later that night when they started to leave.   
  


Sousa was the last one to say goodbye.   
  


“It was nice meeting you as well Sousa. I hope to see you soon.” Steve said

”I’ll walk you to the door” Peggy said and the walked out of the room.

Steve went around the house gathering the cups and napkins left. When he headed to the kitchen he realized that Peggy had actually walked outside with Sousa and closed the door behind them. He tried his best to ignore it but he was drawn to the small opening on the window next to the door. He got closer and carefully placed his head on the wall, just at the right angle so he could barely see them. They were standing by his car, talking. She laughed. “Okay, thank you for coming” the first sentence that Steve could understand.

Peggy was walking back towards the house when suddenly she stopped and turned back to face Sousa. He was halfway through opening the car door.   
  


“I know I’ve said this already but... I’m sorry...” she said 

  
Steve couldn’t understand what he was saying but he had a sad smile on his face.   
  


When Peggy turned around again Steve went back to collecting the remaining a of the party around the house. When she entered the room she had a concerned and sad look on her face.   
  


“Hey, everything alright?” He asked 

She took a few moments to get back from her thoughts and answer.   
  
“oh, yes. Yes, everything’s fine. Thank you for cleaning up all this stuff” she replied.   
  


“No problem” he said, smiling at her. 

She did not smile back.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!! I hope the waiting wasn't too long for this second chapter. I hope you enjoyed this one, there wasn't much progress as far as the present events for Steve but I hope you can understand how the memories connect and that I'm basically trying to tell two stories at the same time. I didn't mention but you've probably noticed by now that this is Steve's POV writing. I intend on keeping it like that because this is about his decisions and doubts so I wanted to focus on him, but I know my writing is not the best so I if you can't understand how some character is feeling or how the chapters connect, please ask me and I'll try my best to explain. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who read the first chapter despite the controversial theme, your comments are very apreciatted as well!!
> 
> :)


	3. hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! It's been too long since the last update, I'm so sorry. But we're back on track now and here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> :)

“WHAT?! A NATIONAL HOLIDAY? You have got to be kidding me!” Steve’s voice echoed through that empty gym. 

Peggy got permission for him to go to the gym while it was closed, at night time, so he could be more active and go back to his training before the big announcement. She and Howard were in charge of everything related to Steve’s return and at that exact moment they were telling him all about the huge celebration that was being planned and how he would gain a national holiday in his name, Steve was working on the punching bag.

“Steve, you’re a war hero. The biggest war hero. People will go insane when they find out you're alive, so this is the only possible and adequate response to that. The sooner you realize that the better it’ll be for you.” Peggy tried to convince him one more time. 

He stopped in the middle of a punch and sat down at the near bench. 

“I know Peggy. It’s just” he sighed “I didn’t want any of this, you know. I just… wanted to be with you” he looked at her with a sad smile on his face. She smiled back. 

“I’m very glad for that darling. But you can’t hide forever, you know that. Besides, I think you’re overreacting, it’s not gonna be as bad as you think.”

“She’s right, man!” Howard yelled from across the room where he had just finished setting up a shooting target for Steve to practice with. 

“All you have to do is get on that stage once” he continued, while walking towards them. “You say your piece, answer a bunch of questions and smile away, we’ll do the rest, and everyone will drink and dance for the rest of the day. Here, let’s see if you still know how to work these old things.” Howard handed him a handgun. They were nowhere near the ones Steve used to work with at the Avengers facility but they had been improved since the war. 

Steve lifted it up and began to shoot. Right on the center every time. 

“Well, I guess you’re right, you know. I’ll do that and then I’ll be free, no more hiding” he said, in between shots. 

“Exactly. I believe it’s for the best, dear.” Peggy said “Well, I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you boys, I gotta get up extra early tomorrow to work out all the details for your security at the big event.” 

“Okay, See you tomorrow then” Steve replied

She gave him a peck on the lips and left. 

Peggy was not being her happiest self lately. Not since he saw her have that conversation with Sousa at their front yard. He never asked her about that, of course, for all she knew he was cleaning and not peaking through the window. But since that day Steve couldn’t stop thinking that she was hiding something from him, and that something was making her feel uncomfortable and sad, but he wasn’t sure what it was, 

At that moment, being alone with Howard, he wondered if he knew anything about her situation. 

“Uh, Howard” he called.

“Yeah” 

“I noticed Peggy is not feeling very happy lately. Did she tell you anything that might be concerning her?” He asked “I mean I know she’s stressed about all of that national holiday stuff but I think this is something else.” 

He shot a couple more times at the target before Howard had something to say. 

“Uh, no. She didn’t tell me anything. Actually we haven’t seen each other much lately, you know. Mostly I see her when she’s with you so I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.” He said “Do you have any idea what it could be?” He asked

Well, Steve actually had an idea, but he preferred not to voice it out loud, or even think about it too much. 

“No, I just… Do you think she might’ve told Sousa what it is? I mean, they’re pretty close, right?” he knew Howard probably wouldn’t know that either but he just wanted to see how he would react.

“Well, I wouldn’t know, I mean, they are close but-“ he paused in the middle of the sentence and sighed, shaking his head, af if he was caught in the middle of a lie. Then he started over. 

“Look, man. I wasn’t around much during the first years after you..you know. So I don’t want to tell anything that I don’t know about, especially about her. All I know is that he helped her a lot when she needed it, and they are close, or were, I don’t know.” 

Steve had mixed feelings about Howard’s answer. He was glad for his honesty and telling him what he knew, but his caution in doing so made him think that he might have an idea as well. 

“But if you want my advice… I say she’ll be fine as soon as this announcement thing goes away. Trust me.” 

“Well, I hope you're right, man. I’m worried for her” Steve replied, resuming his shooting practice. 

The next time Steve stopped to reload the gun, Howard threw another one at him. 

“Alright, let’s see what you can do with two of them.” 

——

_ “Alright, let’s see what you can do with two of them” _

_ Natasha said, throwing another one of her handguns at him.  _

_ It took awhile for Steve to get a right grip at it with his left hand, this was new for him. When he finally got a good hold of it he began to shoot. Or tried. At least he was able to hit the target, but the aim was all over the place.  _

_ “Well, that was a disaster” Natasha said, while reloading each of the guns for him.  _

_ Steve laughed.  _

_ “Well, I usually have a shield on this arm. I’m not used to aiming with it, as much as throwing things from it” he explained.  _

_ “Yeah, right.” She teased “Okay, the first thing you have to do is fix your balance. Spread your legs a bit more” she said  _

_ He moved his feet farther apart, as she asked, and positioned himself. She analyzed his stand carefully.  _

_ “Yeah, that will do I guess. Now, you have to relax that forearm, you’re putting too much tension on it” she said, putting one hand on the inside of his forearm. The touch made the hairs stand up, he prayed she hadn’t noticed.  _

_ With time, Natasha got better, and so did Steve. They were able to be more active and engage in activities that before would bring too many bad memories, like training. They would run a few miles around the facility, then Steve would teach Natasha the things he was good at and vice versa. _

_ But the closeness brought back those intense feelings that were buried with the pain. They grew a lot closer during the tough times, true, but there was no room for any kind of sexual tension or other things of the sort.  _

_ Now that they were getting better, he could feel the tension building, and they would even flirt sometimes. But both of them knew they weren’t ready for a relationship yet, or any kind of situation that would go past the friends that flirt kind of thing. But it was easier said, or thought, than done. So Steve moved back to his apartment. He would still spend a few days a week at the facility with her, but they both needed some time apart.  _

_ “I hope those shivers are from shooting straight, Rogers.” She teased  _

_ He blushed. The next few shots were better, but none of them close to hitting the center. _

_ “Well, I think that answers your question” he said, turning to face her.  _

_ She rolled her eyes. For a few moments they just stood there looking at each other, that was a very common thing lately. They would stare at each other until one of them backed away, it was a sort of unspoken game that they played, and whoever looked away first would lose. That time it was Steve.  _

_ “Uh, I think I better go” he said looking down at his feet. _

_ She smiled. “Okay”  _

_ “I’ll start the support group tomorrow. First meeting.” He took off his shooting gloves and started to gather his things.  _

_ “Oh really? That’s nice. Call me if no one shows up.” she teased again. _

_ He laughed “Okay, I will” he put the car keys inside his pocket and walked back to face her.  _

_ “Either way, you’re still welcome to show up, you know” he said softly.  _

_ She looked at him with a sad smile. “You know that’s not my thing”  _

_ He smiled back. “I know. It’s okay.”  _

_ Steve raised his hand and touched her cheek softly with his thumb. He ran his eyes through her face, and down to her hair. She had it in a braid that rested on the front of her shoulder, it was mostly red now. He held the ends of it and caressed the tip gently.  _

_ “I like that you kept the blonde ends” he said  _

_ She shrugged. “Well, it is mostly because I’m too lazy to cut it off so… thank you”  _

_ Steve laughed, then he place a kiss on her cheek”  _

_ “Good night, Nat”  _

_ ____ _

  
  


Howard’s hand on his shoulder brought Steve back from his thoughts. 

“Hey man, you all right?” 

The guns were shaking on both of his hands. He lowered his arms and handed the guns to Stark. 

“Sorry I… I don’t think I’m ready for two yet” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, the laundry conversation from endgame is still canon here, it happens right just a few weeks after what we see in this chapter. We're getting close to an ending I think, so let me know what you think will happen or what you want to see next. 
> 
> :)


End file.
